...and in the boat, there was a man...

A place to keep track of the daily doings of Me. Cos you love Me.

Tuesday, June 28

Hail the new Chancellor.....!

[ mood = cold music = Darkmateria - The Picard Song ]

Well, Swinburne has a new Chancellor; a successor to Doug Mitchell... well, almost.

An extraordinary meeting of Swinburne Council has been called to expressly consider the appointment of the successful candidate of the Search Sub Committee's deliberations. So, in about ten days time, Swinburne will once again have a Chancellor. I just hope the next one is as friendly and approachable as I remember Doug Mitchell being.

In past year's the Student Members of Council have had ex officio membership of the Search Committee; however, that apparently changed when the committee structure did. That is to say, when the Search Committee became a sub committee of the Governance and Membership Committee, the Student Members lost their place (as there is no place for a student on the Governance and Membership Committee).

Monday, June 27

I'm going to be an Uncle (again, kinda)

[ mood = happy music = Groove Armada - At The River ]

Spent last Thursday afternoon with Xander and Cathie, and as soon as I work out what is wrong with the bluetooth connection between my phone and my laptop, I'll upload a couple of pics. He is growing sooo quickly. At 27 months, he's a handful already, but in a nice way. I am quite honestly in awe of Cathie - I don't know how she does it 24/7. I feel like I've not been a terribly great godfather to Xander, but now that I have more time on my hands, I'm committed to visit every fortnight. Looking forward to trips to the park, the zoo, the beach - and all the fun that comes with.

I also spent Thursday ignoring my problems, which was good for a change. I think too much. But sometimes I have a lot of stuff to think *about*, so that's okay.

Friday afternoon saw me traipsing out to my parents place a day earlier than usual, as Mum said she'd like me there to do my tax return. Apparently she forgot this request, as she was quite surprised to see me on Friday afternoon. So much for the warm and fuzzies from my parents lifting me outta the dumps of late last week (not that I was expecting anything of the sort to happen).

Saturday saw us in Balwyn at S&L's place for L's mother's birthday. For once I didn't drive, so I took the opportunity to drink a little... okay, a lot (for me). Seven glasses of red wine (including a rather divine 2002 Durif) and some scotch saw me floating around taking pictures of this and that, and with Stop Sign Face. But much fun was had by all (including the old lady who almost tried to set me up with her daughter, who thankfully (for both of us) wasn't there).

And after a Sunday setting up my parents internet connection via Dad's laptop, and condemning the main computer to an OS reinstall, here I am on Monday afternoon, having just woken up. I got to bed just as AE was starting work at 0600 today - that was many many hours spent downloading Sarah Michelle Gellar video clips, and Angel episode trailers. The day is maturing fast, and although Monday 27 June 2005 will never come around again, I've already accomplished stuff. Well, stuff has happened anyway. I labelled the CDs of a talk that Wil Wheaton gave at Gnomdex 2004 that I burnt for AE (along with some funky Star Trek audio clip inspired tracks). And I helped RB print an email-attached report, and save to disk.

And S called - they are going into hospital today, to induce! (The baby is not due until the 5th). So yeah, I'm going to be a blood Uncle! I'm excited, and scared (for the baby), and thoughtful, and .... well, hungry.

Wednesday, June 22

"Would you light my candle?"

I'm tired of living in the dark
Can anyone see me down here
The feeling's gone
There's nothing left to lift me up
Back into the world I've known
'Cause now again I've found myself

So far down, away from the sun
That shines into the darkest place
I'm so far down, away from the sun
That shines the life away from me

To find my way back into the arms
That care about the ones like me
I'm so far down, away from the sun again

Those of you who know me will know that lyrics are a very very big part of my life. Since this blog is mainly about me keeping track of my life, the following lyrics will probably not make much sense to y'all. But each and every one makes me cry. Which is what I'm doing and why I need to put these together here. Of course, I'll be okay, blah blah blah. Who really cares? Meh.

Maybe writing this now, (when I'm super tired and in a dark, dark, moody place) is a bad idea, but if I'mto be true to this blog as a record of me, then this stuff should go in here.

"I'm all out of faith - this is how I feel
I'm cold and I am shamed, bound and broken on the floor
You're a little late - I'm already torn."
- Torn, Natalie Imbruglia

"And if you look - you look through me
And when you talk - you talk at me
And when I touch you - you don't feel a thing."
- Stay (Faraway, So Close), U2

"Somewhere in this darkness there's a light that I can't find
Well maybe it's too far away, or maybe I'm just blind."
- When I'm Gone, 3 Doors Down

"Maybe some day you'll look up and, barely conscious, you'll say to no one,
'Isn't something missing?'"
- Missing, Evanescence

"The marketplace means nothing when the product's out of date."
- Freezing, Snubrocket

"Love could not be on my side - it's clearer every day
That every time I reach for love, it always runs away."
- Another Crack In My Heart, Take That

"Closing your eyes to disappear; afraid your dreams will leave you here
But still you wake and know the truth - no one's there."
- My Last Breath, Evanescence

"All of this time, I can't believe I couldn't see
Thought you were gone, but you were there ignoring me."
- Bring Me To Life (remix), Evanescence

"Sometimes I think of letting go and never looking back
And never moving forward so there'd never be a past."
- Easier to Run, Linkin Park

"A little death without mourning - no call and no warning.
May be a dangerous idea, that almost makes sense..."
- Love is Blindness, U2

And some other tracks currently playing on the jukebox in my f*cked up mind:
12 Stones - Far Away
3 Doors Down - Away From the Sun
Cybill Shepherd - Find Another Fool
12 Stones - Way I Feel
Linkin Park - Figure 09
Savage Garden - A Thousand Words
12 Stones - Crash
Brandy - What About Us
12 Stones - Running Out of Pain
Jewel - Foolish Games (sadness mix)
Britney Spears - Everytime
Linkin Park - Hit the Floor
Natalie Imbruglia - Leave Me Alone

This list could go on for quite some time, but for fear of developing short term RSI, I'll stop there.
Each and every lyric of each and every song has meaning to me - yes, I'm a lyrics freak. And I'm probably the only one who will ever really go back through the list and listen to every word of every song. (Lyrics are real easy to find on Google if you're at all interested). It's really not helping that there's alcohol in my system now too - thought it would help me sleep, but it just made me mental.

Thursday, June 16

The cloning of the Phoenix?

[ mood = funny music = Monty Python - I Bet You They Won't Play This Song On The Radio ]

State set to get US private uni
(Swinburne - Northeastern University begin negotiations for a partnership)
As reported on Page 6 of today's Age

Wednesday, June 15

Recluse, with the black nails

[ mood = hungry music = Nelly Furtado - Sh*t on the Radio ]

Spent today not doing much of anything, really. Got up late, watched a few more episodes of Will & Grace (which SJ kindly gave me on DVD). I'm sitting here now in weekend kit, updating this blog, and wondering how I might go about inventing a contraption that will wash, dry and put away my socks and jocks without me having to life a finger.

Apart from a brief walk to the mailbox, I've not been outside, and I don't recall having lunch.

I've a feeling this is the home version of the rut I'm in. Yesterday, the rut took me on a bit of a road trip out to Chapel Street for some window shopping, then on to Carlisle Street for a visit to my favourite coffee shop - Carlisle Coffee. Feeling the urge to buy *something* I came home with a new tea bag squeezer thing, and some 85% chocolate. Chocolate is really only worth consuming as a mood enhancer if it contains more than 70% cocoa solids. But it's an acquired taste really.

My nails are black, courtesy of new nail polish. I've no idea what came over me, but I felt the need to go digitally goth. Now I feel self conscious - perhaps that's part of why I haven't left the flat.

AE came over last night, to show me his new Ford Focus CL - what a spiffy car. Not at all as faggy as I had imagined, and quite similar in design to Reuben. It was good to see him again, and I feel somewhat comfortable with where we are at.

Monday, June 13

A pole dancing barista?

[ mood = all chocolated up music = the sugar rush in my head ]

Took the opportunity today to catch up with JB, since she is now working in the city at MacMillan. Loads of thanks to ya babe - I can almost still taste the chocolate...).

We went to Max Brenner, which is a new-ish chocolate cafe in the Queen Victoria complex in the city. Wow - what an experience! I can't believe how many times I've walked past there without stopping in. You can smell the rich chocolate from all around the area!

So after our chocolate flight of fancy, we went for a bit of a walk (gotta walk off those calories somehow) down through Myer, looking at clothes and fragrances. I *think* Farenheit and cK One are on my shopping list - is that right, boy? I took a moment to check out Gucci Rush, Armani Black Code, and Minotaure.

Not finding anything to our fancy (read, '...that we could afford'), we continued on to search for black casual wear for JB. A short while later, we found ourselves in Esprit at Melbourne Central where I scored my very own 15% loyalty card... funny story...

JB bought a rather fetching pair of black trousers and a nicely styled black skirt, and the shop assistant thought it prudent to let me know that I could use JB's receipt to get my own loyalty card. "That's the good thing about your girlfriend spending money." What a cack! So we went with the 'straight couple' flow for a while, just like old times.

After leaving JB at Flinders St Station, I thought I'd cross the river to Crown to check on those fragrances at Perfume Connection, but alas - they were all sold out. A quick check of their other stores revealed no luck.

So my Queen's Birthday weekend was not as mundane as I had expected.

Sunday, June 12

Chaldan is almost better off dead

[ mood = treading water in the sea of academic life music = Pete Murray - Freedom ]

Spent most of today fixing my parents' computer, Chaldan. It's the system I bought back in 1997 for website work. Back then, websites were simplistic, and user-based authoring was pretty hardy. Not anymore - everything has changed, leading me to believe I'm no longer really in the right industry. I mean, my recreational interest for web maintenance is still there, but I don't really see myself spending hours developing mid to high end animations, generating sophisticated PHP, or trying to come up with the right combination of colors for a particular client. I have loads of generic skills that hopefully place me well in terms of employability...

Anyway, back to Chaldan. He's limping. It ain't pretty. Mum and Dad (but mostly Mum) use the computer to check their web-based email, and occassionally to write reports - though with Mum retired now, that's decreasing in its incidence now. There should be no real reason for the phenomenal slow down, if you discount the OS upgrade that I had SJ do last year.

Apart from that, I had a fleeting chat with Mum about where I'm at. I'm still considering the whole apartment thing, since I really have to move from where I am now by the end of July. I think at the moment, it hinges on my Semester One result for Professional Communication. I hope I don't come up for Progress Review, though even if I do - it'd be my first actual interview on the student side of the desk. My hopes for who the Student Union would send as a panel member aren't too high, but at least I'll have reasonable cause to request someone else.

So I shall have to have a long hard think about WTF I'm doing in my course at the moment, and whether it's really taking me where I want to go. With the Higher Education Divisional Restructure of 2004 came more variety in what the new Faculty of Life and Social Sciences can offer, as opposed to the old School of Bioengineering and Electrical Engineering. It may yet be possible to transfer internally to something more Communications based.

Friday, June 10

A little salmon in the Garage

[ mood = cheery music = Madonna - Holiday ]

Caught up with SJ and EC tonight, for a spot of dinner. It was actually a good chance to hang out; one that I got excited about since I seem to be not mingling with real people much these days. So this evening, I drove over to their flat and after picking SJ up from campus, we drove on out to Brunswick Street. With Hide Out closed, we settled on Joe's Garage (which I recall is - or was - Rove's favourite hang out) where we bumped into MC!

'Twas such a nice surprise and I think she was as stunned as we were. So we did the one minute catch up thing, which was good, before settling in for a simple meal - mine being the smoked salmon salad. I'm beginning to really miss the work we did with the Student Union, back when it was relevant. Mostly I miss the people who work/ed there. (I really must catch up with some of the staff soon too - it's been hard not seeing them for so long, and I've got the whole 'outta sight, outta mind' thing happening).

And he's off....!

[ mood = solitary/idle music = Boyzone - Crying in the Night ]

G has been down from country Victoria for the past couple of days, finalising bits and pieces for his trip over to Europe and Asia (work-related, mind you - no leisure for the boys!) Nothing interesting to report, but we did go see Mr. and Mrs. Smith - the new Angelina Jolie/Brad Pitt movie, and I must say - it wasn't bad.

Anyway, I'm less than motivated right now. I'm in a rut. Must be "hate the world" day.

More later, I'm sure.

Nothing ever stops all these thoughts and the pain attached to them
Sometimes I wonder why this is happening
It's like nothing I could do would distract me when
I think of how I shot myself in the back again

Thursday, June 9

Jean Jacques?

[ mood = content music = Judy Garland - Get Happy ]

If you ever have money to burn, and a craving for seafood, take a drive out to Jacka Boulevard where Donovan's stands, right across the road from Luna Park. It's worth the effort for a special meal (although $2 per inch is a bit pricy... for prawns).

G and I went out there this afternoon as a kind of going away meal thing, and to celebrate his online gaming winnings (evil though it is). Turning $100 into $5000 is worth celebrating though.

Monday, June 6

I am a token committee member

[ mood = treading music = Linking Park - Nobody's Listening ]

Last week was busy with Swinburne Council committee meetings - Finance met last Monday, Staffing met last Tuesday, and Academic Board met las Wednesday. Today, it's the Campus Planning and Building Committee's turn. And I'm the token student member. At least, that's how it feels.

While I'm enjoying my committee responsibilities, I often feel like I'm just there as a token member, not having the technical expertise that other members do. Ahh well, I in put where I can, and try to not feel like a dumbass for asking stoopid questions when they come up. It's sad that one of the highlights of committee work is getting to park in the Chancellery car parking spaces under the BA Building.

In other news, I'm trying to put together my personal finances and budget. I have no income at the moment - not a cent. Yet, my expenditure trundles on regardless. This means I have no real way of 'saving' for another tattoo, or for that pierced nipple. ;) I *have* however, found a claddagh ring - good old Ishka out at Chadstone Shopping Centre.

Sunday, June 5

What a girl.... um yeah, that's right.

[ mood = stroppy music = Big Brother - Diary Room Mix ]

I told myself that I would try ever so hard to not get sucked into the whole Big Brother thing this year, and I realised that I'd failed as I watched this week's eviction episode. Feeling that all three potential evictees had grown on my so much to make me think that I'd feel sad regardless of who left, I kicked myself. Grrrrrr.

But can I just say that Rachael gives me the sh!ts big time - what a skanky loser! I'm usually not one to judge someone whom I've never met nor know much about at all, but fancy bawling ur eyes out for the evictee when you've only been in the house a few days! Show some decorum and sensitivity (I mean, for the other housemates, who've been in there much longer).

--end rant--

Since this season of Big Brother started, a few mates have msged me to say I should audition for the next season. Ha! I seriously doubt I'd get anywhere near the House, but maybe it would be fun.... I dunno. Could I handle being laid out so open on national TV? Bah!

Xerxes/Chaldan has a wash...

[ mood = tired music = Celine Dion - If You Asked Me To ]

Spent Saturday night and Sunday morning at me olds', trying to fix the computer (Chaldan). It's taken some serious pummelling from spyware and crap over the past week or so. For ages, it was complaining that it needed to reinstall some Win2K files, so I eventually got around to doing that, as well as reinstalling the network protocols, two weekends ago. But within a few days, Mum's novice use had caused more spyware. Granted, the system had no firewall or other rogue installer protection...

So I went out on a mid-week trip to fix it and it seemed to be working fine. In fact, it was a lot faster that it has been for some time now. But apparently, it's slowed right down to a grinding halt a couple of days after that, and when I had a squizz this weekend, it was pretty much dead.

So yeah, spent all morning trying to fix it, but I reckon I'll have to reinstall WinME (I know, I know) next time I'm out there.

The back story goes like this:
I brought the computer formerly known as Xerxes in to Swinburne mid-2004 so SJD could have a look at it, clean it out completely, and install Win2K over an old WinME install. That took about two weeks, while I backed up the (small) HDD, and we got it ship shape. It's been at me olds ever since, sitting on their nice, fast, cable connection. Now, me olds only use the darn thing to check their web-based email, and the occassional Word document - not all that taxing stuff. But when you've got parents who like to click OK more than they should.... not good.

Anyway, so I've just got in from lunch at me brother's place in Balwyn - it's a nice "we're establishing a family home" house, where we seem to be going for lunch about once a fortnight. Mum doesn't like going - she says it's too far to go that often but of course, she goes. Not that I'm going to think about it too much, but I wish they'd visit me some time. I hate to bring it up again, but I was at the Student Union at Swinburne for three years, and my family never visited me there once (except Roger, but that was on the way to the airport).

Thursday, June 2

moody skanky pr!ck

[ mood = bite me music = the voices in my head ]

Yep, I'm back on medication - this time it's just Augmentin Duo Forte, but it's still enough to make me cranky. Maybe it's a physiological effect; maybe it's my warped psyche. Whatever it is, I'm gonna miss the taste of blood in my mouth...

I still remember the world from the eyes of a child.
Slowly those feelings were blinded by what I know now.
Where has my heart gone?
An uneven trade for the real world.
Oh I - I want to go back to
Believing in everything, and knowing nothing at all...

And so the search continues....

[ mood = fickle music = Westlife - Flying Without Wings ]

So I went on over to Slinky (which oddly enough only has one relevant reference on Google) this afternoon to catch up with PB for a cawfee - it was brief but good to catch up in person for once. While I was in the area, I thought I'd try to find that shop that I saw last week while browsing the Smith St, Gertrude St, Brunswick St district - the one with the good claddagh rings. But alas, my dodgy memory once again failed to grant peace to my desirous mind.

And so the search continues for a good claddagh ring. I've seen many different designs, but all I want is a simple, demure, unadorned version. Just like the one Anthony gave me all those years ago; the one that's buried with him. *sigh*

(For those not in the know, a claddagh ring is a piece of traditional Irish jewellery, featuring two hands clasping a heart, wearing a crown. Named after the Irish town from whence it came, the hands symbolise friendship; the heart symbolises love; and the crown symbolises loyalty.)

Yes, the ring that Angel gave Buffy is a claddagh ring. Methinks it was the watching of that episode arc that rekindled my want of one again. I hadn't thought about it since A.

Wednesday, June 1

Back online, but still a junkie

[ mood = hungry music = Daryl Braithwaite - Don't Hold Back Your Love ]

Before you say a word, know this - my computer has been out of action over the past fortnight or so, which has meant I've been without regular internet access. I'm sure I've mentioned this or at least, I've meant to mention it.

So, having spent the better part of today indoors, bluetoothing phone cam pics to my laptop for upload to Photo Bucket, for referencing on this Blog's sister blog, I've decided that I really need to go for a walk. This made me stop and think for a moment about what's really kept me at my computer all day, forgoing DVDs, food, drink, sunshine, and comfortable backache-less back.

Quite simply, I'm waiting. And I mean that in the literal as well as the figurative sense. On the practical side, I'm waiting for AE to finish his car errands. Concurrently, I'm waiting for some kind of paid employment to come my way; for a DVD I ordered about the Melbourne Uni Student Union saga; for an idea for a nice dinner to come to me; and perhaps for the end to my financial woes. On the more ethereal side, I'm waiting for inspiration and motivation to kick me in the ass and make me keep this blog up to date; for peaceful thoughts to allow me to sleep; and I guess for my faith to reestablish itself in my soul.

But having just had a spontaneous sms chat with a mate from Swinburne whom I've not seen since.... well since bowling, I think... my "input-junkie" nature is reasserting itself. I need input, and I'm a much more interesting person to be around when I have that. Sitting in my flat all day, just about every day, is not good. I need to get out there and have that crack at just Being.

Starry hope

[ mood = excitedly bored music = Linkin Park - Somewhere I Belong ]

Thy soul shall find itself alone
'Mid darkened thoughts of the grey tombstone
Not one, of all the crowd, to pry
Into thine hour of secrecy

Be silent in that solitude,
Which is not lonliness, for then
The spirits of the dead who stood
In life, before thee are again
In death around thee, and their will
Shall overshadow thee; be still.

The night, tho' clear, shall frown,
And the stars shall not look down
From their high thrones in the Heaven,
With light like Hope to mortals giv'n.