...and in the boat, there was a man...

A place to keep track of the daily doings of Me. Cos you love Me.

Wednesday, May 11

Why can't *my* fortress of solitude be crystalline? Damn you, Superman!

[ mood = downheartedly sad music = Stephen Gately - Do Without Me ]

This entry was embargoed on 11 May 2005 for one month.
This entry was released on 10 June 2005, and permanently edited on 16 June 2005.

Well, it seems that I am once again single. Goddammit, what's wrong with me that I can't find a stable relationship to be in? Curses to the internet and online chat - the scourge of broken hearts and relationships everywhere, I reckon.

What is wrong with people (myself included) that they/we can't bring ourselves to pick up the damned phone and call the people we need to call; that we can't enunciate in words what we are feeling, and the effects that situations are having on us. A crisis of emotions, with the inclusion of weakness in the form of low self-esteem.

I just can't take my stoopid emotional problems any more - mood swings, untreated psycho-illness .... whatever you want to call it. I'm f*cked in the head - yes, I'm the first to admit that. And yeah, I can sit here and say "I'm only human" or "things will get better" or "I'll adapt", but at the end of the day, I spent today and this evening in a mess - my temporary house of cards blown down once again by my own stoopid need to open the windows to let someone other than myself into my house.

Why do I bother?